Depression. sucks. I know it's stupid, and I used to laugh at the commercials that say "depression hurts" but dang. It physically. hurts!
I was chatting with a friend a couple of nights ago and realized - I haven't been running not because I'm lazy, but because I've been depressed. I mean, when it's hard to get out of bed in the morning, do you really want to go run?
I am registered for the Princess Half in Feb, as well as a 5k this month. I know running will help me emotionally so I need to try to work on it. I keep thinking (about the half) that I can't do it. But more then that, I have another thought in my head that tells me that if I don't try at all... that I'll be more depressed then ever. I mean hey, I'm numb, I cannot feel any emotions, but logically I know this is my DREAM RACE. I might fail. I might get picked up by the sweepers. But I need to at least try. Being sick for the past two months or so hasn't helped at all either.
... I feel so alone right now. Logically I know I'm not alone. Logically. I need to push myself to step out of my comfort zone and try to connect to people. Going for a six mile run tomorrow. Do or die. Or quite possibly both.
I've dealt with this before. The overwhelming depression, etc. I just need some help getting through this, ya know?
It's not Mental Health Awareness Week, but still a good reminder...
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Sorry this post is so... down.
I'll try to post back about my six miler tomorrow night.
And I'll try to update just a tad more. Just a tad.
Liz
Depression does suck but dont feel so bad about feeling bad. I was feeling really cruddy after xmas (I posted about it & was unsure if I should) & a race was what I needed to really make me feel better. I think if you force yourself to so some miles on your training plan, you will feel better after then if you do nothing. The Princess Half is a big deal! You can do it!
ReplyDeleteThat's what I'm hoping these races will do! No run for me today, though I did get out and walk. :) Little steps right?
DeleteSo Liz,
ReplyDeleteI've been following your facebook posts and blog for a little bit now. I was once where you are with depression so I just wanted to tell you that it can and will go away. From what I've read you are working on it and that is the best you can do. I kind of look at it like I look at my old high school years... they suck when you are going through them, but in the grand scheme of life this crappy time you are having now is just a small fraction of your life. If you can just keep pushing along you can make your way out and one day look back and see how far you've come.
But for now it is like doing a long run... if you get stuck in the middle of a run and you think you cannot go on you have two options. One is to turn around and quit, and then have will just have to start over and try and do it again another day. There is nothing wrong with quitting and starting over. Sometimes we all have to. But the other option is to just keep pushing along and get to the end. It won't be easy but either way you have to move, so you might as well keep trying to move toward the finish. Eventually you will get there.
I hope that made sense...:)
But, anyway, I have had a rough few weeks too and fallen behind in my running. I'm trying to get back on track because I was so looking forward to running this Princess Run. So, if you want I'd be more than happy to help you get to the finish line. I just recently did a 5k with a friend who almost gave in and didn't do the run but together we ran some, walked some talked some and before we both knew it we got to the finish line ---together. Sometimes having someone else along for the journey can help. If you need a running buddy, just say the word!
Jennifer - I don't have your email address. Can you email me? feetdominatingpavement at gmail dot com. Thanks! :)
DeleteI've been there many times. I took meds to get me out of the abyss and I'm not ashamed of that.
ReplyDeleteHope you're feeling better soon :)
Colletta
Liz, I hope you're doing ok! I haven't been on your page in a long time. You do whatever it takes. Time has passed and I hope you feel a little better. As Wilma Rudolph once said, "Never EVER Give up".
ReplyDelete